April is the cruelest month

Some days I feel like I am one big button. The slightest, tiniest tap on this sensitive button sends me reeling. I have no center and I am spinning out of control.

 Welcome to spring break 2010. Too bad it feels like the worst of winter. Seriously, it is windy and grey and raining on and off. We saw the sun on Monday, but managed to get caught in two rain showers. My winter coat is appropriate wear for early April. Can you hear me sigh?

Mostly, it is really going OK.  Diving into kid week seems a difficult task for me, though. Easter went off without a hitch, but I forgot how exhausting it is to host an event. Right, usually you are tired after a holiday, especially after 10 people come over for brunch. The kids are whiny after getting up at 6 to take in their Eater loot. The day was good, but long.

Monday we did a million activities and I found myself laying in bed at 7:30 literally ready for sleep. KK was wiped, too, so bedtime was not exactly pleasant. Tuesday found us slowing down and it was a good day. Today, well, let’s say it’s 11:30 and people were not happy when play date friends were late. Half the day is gone. The kids are happy again, but I am in recovery mode.

Why did all those annoying nudges from my kids find me weak? Perhaps it is because I want everything to be perfect. Other people have faultless lives, right? I know that is not true, but it sure takes a long time to just be OK with life being just life, with its overwhelming emotions and experiences. All I know is sometimes calmness evades me. Then I have to work toward stillness, and realize I get to decide how to feel for the rest of the day. It could still be a great Wednesday. Not exactly an uplifting conclusion, but true.

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