Backward& Forward


Backward & Forward   By NSA

They say the past is gone

turn away

leave it behind


& yet: my smile

confident & dazzling

schools me.


I stare at myself

20 years ago

newly wed


ready &

surrounded by

my childhood


& yet: the hesitant now

no path ahead

no map for the middle-aged.


We are forgotten

& Botox weary

lotioned up


& singing loudly

as our kids

surge past us


into their unknown

how sure they seem

except at 1am, not sleeping.


I am not sleeping

I am hesitant

until I look back


at my smile:

confident & dazzling

I borrow her:


my old self:

excited for my future

I see a path ahead.


I stare at my camera

try to be sure enough

to catch myself here


Startled and dazzling

selfie set

terrified & ready.




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