I’m in that window of time before I leap into something new and it’s all I can write about right now. If I think long enough about this pause, I see all the pauses before me. The few weeks I lived with my parents at age 24, before I moved to Seattle. Going to many flower shops with my mom, never finding the right flowers until I had to find the right flowers for my wedding reception. The few months I edited magazines before the magazine closed and after our boss told us we wouldn’t have jobs in a few months. The few days before I gave birth to Caroline when I thought I had weeks to read books. The book I read a few hours before my water broke. Those 31 hours of labor.
It’s weird: the before and after. It’s a letting go and a reaching out to grab what’s next. It’s trying to finish all the old work as well as you can before you take on the new work. It’s not knowing, and I finally know enough to know that I can’t know how I will feel within my newly organized life.
So, I’m slowing down to reflect, intentionally carving out a bit of ceremony. Treating myself to an acupuncture appointment in a few weeks. Watering the plants like I have no to-do’s. Not caring that I get wet while I water because the hose is not connecting well enough to the attachment. Feeling lucky to get to take in this beautiful May weather. Remembering the spring after I moved to Seattle when I was working temp jobs. I had time: time to walk around Green Lake and sit at the Honey Bear bakery and write. The weather was like it is this week: highs in the 80s. Chris and I were newly in love. We walked and walked and walked. I saw the Pacific Ocean for the second time in my life.
Whoosh, there’s a tangent for you. I hope you have time to pause during these May days. Truthfully, I do have deadlines. Off I go to dive into my work. See you tomorrow.
2 thoughts on “Pause”
Whoosh. I like the tangents you offer up.
I get tot go to D.C. next week, 2nd time as a chaperone, 4th time overall. I’m really looking forward to going. Really looking forward to it. The trip is going to be like a working vacation for me.
Most of the time I wish I had a job, but then other times I realize I hate work and just need to get out of the house. I haven’t had a job that I truly enjoyed for a long time. Getting out is a problem with my kid situation, and it’s going to be another school year before I can even think about volunteering in the classroom again.
So I wait.
I know this is a temporary situation, but it feels like I’ve been stuck in-between for a long time.
I keep wondering if my child will want to go to DC next year….have a blast! The temporary situation is really such a long situation, right? The same old “the days are long but the years are short” stuff. Which reminds me of a song I love: Colin Hay’s “Waiting for My Real Life to Begin.” I used to listen to it again and again when my kids were younger. They dislike the song. But the song always reminded me that my life was right now. This was the real stuff. Ah, real life.