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Feb 21

Facebook Break

Nance3 (2)

Facebook Break

I know myself so well, my thoughts bore me.

I cut a hole through the wall, eager to leave myself behind.

I lay on the floor and watch people walk out of my chest.

I stare backwards until I tire of the people staring back at me.

 

If I don’t fill myself up

with all the randomness

available at my fingertips,

how will I find a new idea?

 

Stuck on repeat:

the lines I wrote

in 4th grade

8th grade

at age 19, 24, 36, 42

scream the same words:

there is a loneliness here that cannot be filled.

 

And yet but still every contradiction works:

I fill up on beauty

reframe my old stories

in a city

that blooms

in February.

 

Yes, I’m still astounded by a spring that arrives in winter

surprised to be a mother-a wife- a girl

so sensitive & elastic

time traveling

they say the neurons that fire together wire together

 

(there is a loneliness here that cannot be filled)

 

Reframe & my blue eyes eat up:

The girl with two-toned brown/blond fine hair that touches her shoulder blades,

she calls me hers, full smile and sung in tune.

The young woman perplexed by acne who hates geometry

asks me ‘how was your day’

& means it: she waits for my answer.

The  man who’s still 27 as he reaches for 50

slices me an avocado. Says, ‘taste this.’

 

I let the fruit ripen. I slice the lemon and shake the salt.

I’ve made guacamole more than 100 times.

I remake myself in the name of beauty.

I’m green & my pit is loneliness. She lies to me.

2.21.2018

 

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