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Dec 20

Fast Moving Clouds

Image result for clouds

The sky is light blue today. I focus on the moving clouds as I sit with news of the just canceled interview for a story I am writing.

Sometimes I get so nervous for interviews. I was nervous this morning and so looking forward to having this meet-up in the rear-view mirror. I’ve interviewed this woman before and she is smart and doing work I really believe in. I want it to go well. But now the interview is slated to be rescheduled and I’m watching the clouds roll by, telling myself to let go of all the expectation, or at least sit with it and realize I can’t do this work today. I’ll have to do other work and know eventually this interview will happen and go however it goes.

Ah, my work. This year has been a trying year when it comes to work. Yes, I’ve improved as a writer, figured out how to write a better first draft, how to deal with edits better, even pitched nationally once again and I haven’t been devastated by the no’s. I’ve written copy I’m so proud of (Angela Rose Black profile, It’s Not a Catastrophe, Mindfulness in the Schools and Slow Processing Speed, to name a few) and blogged every day in November. I had a poem published and enjoyed teaching writing to students so, so much. But I’m yearning for new work scenarios. I can’t even tell you what new work will look like, only that I’ve started applying for part-time work. That means I’ve started getting job rejections, too. Ouch.

I know you don’t get where you need to go without rejections. That doesn’t mean they don’t sting. I’ve met with acquaintances who’ve not found a job while looking for 2 years. Wowza. Buckle up for the long haul, I tell myself. I found out yesterday that one of these people is starting a new job soon, so that gave me hope. But it’s weird, this in-between, where I’m doing what I’ve always done but also looking for what is next.

The sky is blue today and I am used to people canceling interviews. I am not used to the rejections I’ve gotten from applying for jobs. Or living in the in-between of imaging new work scenarios while not being totally clear on what new work could look like. I sit with it all. It whooshes and sways and stills until it moves like the clouds that seem to be speeding across the blue sky today. I’m so very thankful for this particular blue shade of sky and its white and wispy fast-moving clouds. These quiet, fleeing companions are here before I move on, into whatever is next.

 

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