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May 11

Fear & Freckles

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Photo by K. Kelley

The years lay down a soundtrack that no one can fall asleep to. Isn’t that why Buddhists ask us to clear the mind? What do you want to believe? That all is suffering, or that each moment is new?

When I take the time to really look at your freckles, I find the path out of my misery.

But still and yet.

So much is unknown. Like the end of the story. Where the arc of history is leading. If her story ever becomes as important as what he said, what he wanted, what he claimed as his.

Yes, I need more freckles and less rage.

A Buddhist I follow tells me fear is under all the anger. Yeah, fear that the world will never change. “Be the change you that wish to see in the world.” Do I need to deviate and tell you who said that? (Writer Brian Morton tells us there is MORE to this bumper-sticker rendition of it.) Will it matter, this being the best me I can be even if I can’t read the news due to the overwhelming grief that bleeds all over my skin as I read it?

The dictionary says faith is complete trust. People who practice religion tell me their faith wavers. Is faith a living thing? Water what you want to grow. My head is full of so much thought. Still, I’m going to water those freckles. And practice turning away from the news while I learn how to swim in the suffering.

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