Likable

This morning I have a million different to-do’s, or it feels like I have a million different to-do’s to do. And I’m a few days into my new part-time job, which means my brain is on overload. An acquaintance reminded me last night that adults have a hard time being new learners.

That’s why I suddenly found myself measuring my waist for a swimsuit, online shopping when buying a swimsuit isn’t even on my to-do list. Maybe I’m thinking if I find a swim suit that makes my almost 49-year-old body appear 20 years younger, all will be well. Black or red? Don’t I already have a swimsuit that fits? What the hell am I doing?

Avoiding the next thing on my to-do list?

Trying to collate all the information that is being dumped in my head?

Ignoring all the new information that is being dumped in my head?

I am relieved to be in the middle of change instead of right before the change.

I am glad to have stopped the online swimsuit search to write this blog.

I don’t know if I can slow down enough to tell you anything of vital importance. I mean I can tell you I am reading a galley of Elizabeth Strout’s forthcoming book “Olive, Again.” I love it. I think she is one of the few writers who writes unlikable characters that are readable for me. I mean she is so good at looking at human beings and explaining exactly why they are unlikable and making them lovable.

People are so complicated. I often think perhaps I am unlovable, but truthfully I am just perhaps unlikable sometimes because everyone is unlikable sometimes. We are all so very human and fallible. Watching Olive figure out her personhood, her failings and her now: I am loving it. Which is ironic, as I set another book down last week because the characters were not likable enough for me. Olive Kitteridge is not someone I would probably like if I ran into her at the grocery store. Yet she, too, is totally lovable.

Which brings me to June, my birthday month. Because Geminis have an entire month. As an adult, it’s my job to figure out how to celebrate my birthday. What do I need? To feel loved. Even as some moments find me overwhelmed and stressed out and in my closest taking time to breathe in and out until all is well again.

Whoosh: nice picture, right? I love my closet and I love my birthday month.

I hope you all feel loved and lovable today.

 

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