I’m in that window of time before I leap into something new and it’s all I can write about right now. If I think long enough about this pause, I see all the pauses before me. The few weeks I lived with my parents at age 24, before I moved to Seattle. Going to many flower shops with my mom, never finding the right flowers until I had to find the right flowers for my wedding reception. The few months I edited magazines before the magazine closed and after our boss told us we wouldn’t have jobs in a few months. The few days before I gave birth to Caroline when I thought I had weeks to read books. The book I read a few hours before my water broke. Those 31 hours of labor.
It’s weird: the before and after. It’s a letting go and a reaching out to grab what’s next. It’s trying to finish all the old work as well as you can before you take on the new work. It’s not knowing, and I finally know enough to know that I can’t know how I will feel within my newly organized life.
So, I’m slowing down to reflect, intentionally carving out a bit of ceremony. Treating myself to an acupuncture appointment in a few weeks. Watering the plants like I have no to-do’s. Not caring that I get wet while I water because the hose is not connecting well enough to the attachment. Feeling lucky to get to take in this beautiful May weather. Remembering the spring after I moved to Seattle when I was working temp jobs. I had time: time to walk around Green Lake and sit at the Honey Bear bakery and write. The weather was like it is this week: highs in the 80s. Chris and I were newly in love. We walked and walked and walked. I saw the Pacific Ocean for the second time in my life.
Whoosh, there’s a tangent for you. I hope you have time to pause during these May days. Truthfully, I do have deadlines. Off I go to dive into my work. See you tomorrow.