Backward& Forward

Backward & Forward   By NSA

They say the past is gone

turn away

leave it behind

& yet: my smile

confident & dazzling

schools me.

I stare at myself

20 years ago

newly wed

ready &

surrounded by

my childhood

& yet: the hesitant now

no path ahead

no map for the middle-aged.

We are forgotten

& Botox weary

lotioned up

& singing loudly

as our kids

surge past us

into their unknown

how sure they seem

except at 1am, not sleeping.

I am not sleeping

I am hesitant

until I look back

at my smile:

confident & dazzling

I borrow her:

my old self:

excited for my future

I see a path ahead.

I stare at my camera

try to be sure enough

to catch myself here

Startled and dazzling

selfie set

terrified & ready.

(4.10.2018)