Backward& Forward

wedding

Backward & Forward   By NSA

They say the past is gone

turn away

leave it behind

 

& yet: my smile

confident & dazzling

schools me.

 

I stare at myself

20 years ago

newly wed

 

ready &

surrounded by

my childhood

 

& yet: the hesitant now

no path ahead

no map for the middle-aged.

 

We are forgotten

& Botox weary

lotioned up

 

& singing loudly

as our kids

surge past us

 

into their unknown

how sure they seem

except at 1am, not sleeping.

 

I am not sleeping

I am hesitant

until I look back

 

at my smile:

confident & dazzling

I borrow her:

 

my old self:

excited for my future

I see a path ahead.

 

I stare at my camera

try to be sure enough

to catch myself here

 

Startled and dazzling

selfie set

terrified & ready.

(4.10.2018)

 

 

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