Whole World by Hsueh-Feng

The whole world is you.

Yet you keep thinking

there is something else.

Yesterday I made a protective cone around my center of strength and propelled myself through the day. The memory of the last election taught me that I needed a plan. A plan like a salve: self-care so I could parent my girls and do my work and not be overwhelmed by anxiety.

I don’t want a country that elects people who espouse hate. I can’t live within rage. I made a safe space for myself yesterday while also noticing the adrenaline that pumped through my body all day long. What if hate won the day?

I’m all over the map here because I am tired today. The adrenaline that coursed through my body that I tamed again and again with all the tools I have learned in this lifetime, that adrenaline has left me tired.  I’m writing about mental health for work. I love this topic, and it’s an apt topic when I was faced with an election that scares me. I learned at a young age that I need to be proactive to take care of my mental health. If I don’t use my tools, my anxiety can spiral. As an expert reminded me yesterday, anxiety can be a precursor to depression. The last thing I want is to not be able to get out of bed. I’ve been there before and maybe I’ll be there again. But  I really didn’t want election day pushing my anxiety into a cascading spiral.

On Monday, I taped up my 5-item self-care list on my window frame next to my work desk: set an intention for your day, meditate, exercise, 15-minute free write, write a blog post. I’ve been pretty good about doing this list ever since the ugliness of the Supreme Court nomination hearings made me realize I needed to take better care of me. That’s why this poem is atop my post today. If I don’t take care of me, I can’t see clearly. Anxiety ramps me up until it pushes me down into depression. This is what I’ve learned from my time on this planet so far. If my goals are to parent well, write a lot and enjoy connection with people around me (family, friends, acquaintances and strangers included), self-care is necessary. I firmly believe my self-care yesterday kept my anxiety in check.

What a week: the time change messing our daily cycles up, an election that had both good and bad news for me, an incredibly busy work and family week. Here I am halfway through the week, daily blogging done for Wednesday.

See you tomorrow!